Saturday, February 2, 2008

personal storms

on the 24th, the morning after a staff meeting, I predicted to my spiritual director that a storm was brewing at my workplace. Ten years at this place made the prediction all too easy. I knew it was waiting. I knew it would be best not to get swept away, but I got sucked into the vortex all the same.

When I realized that my mind was racing during prayer, I changed tactics, and turned away from the assigned passage.

On Sundays after the Eucharist, I close my eyes and breathe. In breath-- renew me. Out breath-- heal me. That is what I turned on two evenings this week, and though the storm still rages, I am more at peace.

Then I read the next passage to reflect upon (Matthew 14:22-33). Again (see my last post) the disciples are in a boat and filled with fear. But now Jesus understands that seeing a figure approaching a boat by walking on water can cause fear unlike his response to the fear of the storm. But it is Jesus reaching for Peter that speaks to me.

We enter all these storms that race toward us. Fears and panic can sweep us away, but there is that hand to pull us back to calmer waters. The storms will cause damage no matter what, but riding them out with faith helps us to stay present and not leap into negative predictions caused fear. I am grateful to having folk in my life who were willing to listen to my struggles this past week

as I say to my classes everyday, "Onward."

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